I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
