Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Randomize
