K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
