So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
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