Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
