dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
