so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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