What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
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