If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
