guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
