Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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