Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
