He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I looked at my own cervix.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
they're like a gay fantastic four
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
