can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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