My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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