she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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