Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
