she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Someone came in the potted fern
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize