...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
