I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
