I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
