Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
My ass is underappreciated
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
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