i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize