found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
