You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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