OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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