I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
