brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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