She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Sober January is a disaster.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Randomize
