Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
