420 ftw
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Randomize
