He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
