Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
