he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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