there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
