My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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