Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
