Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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