i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
smell my finger.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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