david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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