you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
