apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
