you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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