forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
