I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
