I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
