Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize