Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
