I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
