Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
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