Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
