Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
