u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
