hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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