True but thats because hes a fetus.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Randomize
