You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Rumble strips road head = magical
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
