And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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