my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
