May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize