I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
