i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
