batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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