Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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