I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
