If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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