Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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