Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Randomize
