Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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