No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
