Buhtt sex?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
