GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
