no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
