I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
