im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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