the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
