woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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