Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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