I am puke
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
