What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
