I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
