You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
