I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
