That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
