I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
