I'm gonna have a badass scar
Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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