And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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