It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
