I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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