my vag is so smooth its legendary
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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