it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wear drunk well.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize