He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Everyone says I win the strip club
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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