Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
