Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I just found puke in my bra..
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
